i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
