The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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