First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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