I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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