We're facebook friends in real life
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
