two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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