Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
there's paper in my vomit.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
