you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
