So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
