My boss' voice literally gives me gas
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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