Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
