that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
