We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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