I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
