It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
