I puked a lego.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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