I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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