he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
