She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
