So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
