Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize