dude i'm inner monologue high
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
