Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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