that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
