Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
