Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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