I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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