Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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