Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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