remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
