im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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