I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
