Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
