Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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