My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
