Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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