We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
