You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
They have beer where we have blood.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
