I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
