Sorry, I don't speak sober.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
