I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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