No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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