and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
