So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
