Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
