if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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