Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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