We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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