morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
