they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
