You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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