I seem to have left my pride at pride
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
